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01/28/2010

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Stephanie May

I love what you said about talking about sex toys with sensitivity. You never know what questions or insecurities or curiosities your partner has. It seems like it is a great way to open up some important conversations.

ET

Thanks, Dr. Rach!
I couldn't agree more. Personally, I'd never really used 'sex toys' per se until I got with my current beau (except for that hot pink strap on... but I digress). It's a little embarrassing for an old broad to admit, but I'd gone my whole life without ever using a vibrator! But the Man of my Life now occasionally uses a vibrator or dildo in situations where it's not really appropriate to whip out his... member, or where he's otherwise occupied (think, watching TV). And, ok, so they're often comically large. And they're consistent and unflagging in their ... stimulation. HOWEVER, a dildo or vibrator can never begin to approach the magical sensation of lovers making love. Ok, I hear maybe IV heroin users get off harder, but that doesn't count (who wants to be a junky? besides, I was talking about LOVE here! and while we may feel dopey in love... ok nevermind). I understand that some women (probably most) use hardware when they masturbate. But let's get serious. Masturbating is like eating a stale crust of bread when you're hungry; being with a lover is like having a banquet at some restaurant with like a bunch of Michelin stars. And if it's not, you may want to look into seeing other people or something. No seriously. There's probably something else goin on that ain't right in the relationship if y'all can't get down. Right Dr. Rach? LOL.
That said, I still totally understand where a guy might be coming from when he sees that ginormous dildo. It's probably much like women feel when they dredge up a porn collection. That is, "how the eff am I ever supposed to measure up to THIS?! If that's what really gets my partner off, then I'm doomed to not please him/her and must be sooo sexually inadequate!" It pushes all our buttons. And like, totally in the wrong way. Looking at things this way makes me realize that maybe there's hope for me after all. LOL Because if guys feel stressed about sex toys (and they totally shouldn't), maybe my feeling stressed about pornography is just as silly. Wouldn't that be nice, gals?
Thanks again Dr. Rachel!

Nicole

One of the hardest ( no pun intended) conversations to have. Over the years i have found that asking for what I need is much more satisfying then hoping he knows;)

Marcy

How does one go about throwing a sex toy party ? Who is the the Tupperware lady? Who does one invite?

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totally in the wrong way. Looking at things this way makes me realize that maybe there's hope for me after all. LOL Because if guys feel stressed about sex toys (and they totally shouldn't), maybe my feeling stressed about pornography is just as silly. Wouldn't that be nice, gals?

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I love what you said about talking about sex toys with sensitivity. You never know what questions or insecurities or curiosities your partner has. It seems like it is a great way to open up some important conversations.

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When a guy can handle your flaws, love you on your moody days & kiss you when you don't look great, he's worth loving.

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yes.
I love what you said about talking about sex toys with sensitivity. You never know what questions or insecurities or curiosities your partner has. It seems like it is a great way to open up some important conversations.

RickStar

Hi Doc.. im glad you touched on Sex Toys in relationships .. Theres some people that believe Sextoys are a problem .. like if you need sextoys then your partner isnt pleasing you .. i disagree it adds the element of fun to a sometimes boring night :)

Rizal

Are YOU tnriyg to get out of it? or are you afraid HE will try to get out of it? Well obviously this isn't a genuine relationship so it doesn't seem like anybody even cares, it doesn't even matter.

Timotius

He should jerk of twice brfeoe you have intercourse.That way he will last way longer.If that does not even help a visit to the urologist is a must.He can fix this.Success:I am so sorry for you,you have no idea:Sky.

Tute

Remember, people are hard-wired to potercare a LOT. Men are created to spread their seed to as many women as possible. That’s evolution at work, that’s how the species carries on. Actually that's an antiquated conceptualization of evolutionary psych: the parental investment model. Strategic pluralism is an updated model which stipulates that women are similarly programmed to seek out multiple partners, we're just a bit more covert and malicious about it. Women seek out daddy types men who we perceive to be good, long-term caretakers who will be around to raise our offspring. Once we've got those guys on lock, we cheat with the narcissistic, good-looking cads the ones who are more overtly doing a multiple-partner thing and get the dominant genes from them. So we keep the daddies around to raise our genetically questionable offspring and hope that the kids got the good genes. I know it's a little Machiavellian, but it makes me feel better about being a female in what's typically understood to be a male-dominated, parental investment world.

Nurfaidah

t.j,what role do you play in the pattern that seems to fololw you? are you initially attracted to the clingy women later to be feel overwhelmed by constant attention? does this remind you of your relationship with any of your parents? often people get into a relationship with a particular type person to work out their own issues without realizing that consciously.if you have a pattern of who you date, that says something about your own personal dynamicsare there signs that you miss/disregard/ignore early on?what is your family's history of relationships?you play a role in who you chose to be with you so the question you need to ask yourself is why do i mainly chose a particular type of woman?good luck!this is information about you and only you can answer these questions truthfully.

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