Toys Can Be Fun Alone and With a Partner

A friend of mine came to me the other day and was upset. Her long-term boyfriend was concerned when he realized that she had a number of sex toys in the drawer next to her bed. Although they had previously used toys during their relationship, he became intimidated by the new toys and other accessories, one of which was larger in size than his penis.

This, my friends, is not uncommon! Often times partners may feel intimidated by sexual accessories. They might wonder if their partner prefers the toy to the real thing or may think “how can I compete with that battery-operated and large device?” But the truth is, there is no competition! Both men and women can get sexual pleasure from both another human and a toy! So why not maximize the pleasure?

About 44% of adult women admit to using sex toys. People use toys and other accessories for a number of reasons. Some couples bring in sexual accessories to spice up their relationship. They can also be a great way to begin a different type of communication with your partner and can open the doors to greater intimacy and fun experimentation.

If you have never used any sexual accessories with your partner and would like to, begin the conversation sensitively and explain some reasons you would like to try something new. This doesn’t mean that you are not satisfied with your current sexual relationship, and be clear about that when talking with your partner. Also, let your partner know that using sex toys can help make you more comfortable and aware of your body and its functions.

Approximately 38% of women admit to masturbating regularly. And a large percentage of these women will sometimes utilize sex toys to do so. Again, this does not mean that they prefer the toy to their partner (if they are in a relationship), and it does not mean they are not satisfied with their partner. Sexual toys and accessories can have very positive effects on your sexual health; They can enhance a relationship and your sexual connection with your partner.

The truth is, while sex toys such as vibrators and dildos are great, they certainly cannot compare in many ways with a human being. A toy cannot caress, cuddle, gaze into your eyes, change positions, or be intimate.

 

 

Comments

[Stephanie May]

I love what you said about talking about sex toys with sensitivity. You never know what questions or insecurities or curiosities your partner has. It seems like it is a great way to open up some important conversations.

[ET]

Thanks, Dr. Rach!
I couldn't agree more. Personally, I'd never really used 'sex toys' per se until I got with my current beau (except for that hot pink strap on... but I digress). It's a little embarrassing for an old broad to admit, but I'd gone my whole life without ever using a vibrator! But the Man of my Life now occasionally uses a vibrator or dildo in situations where it's not really appropriate to whip out his... member, or where he's otherwise occupied (think, watching TV). And, ok, so they're often comically large. And they're consistent and unflagging in their ... stimulation. HOWEVER, a dildo or vibrator can never begin to approach the magical sensation of lovers making love. Ok, I hear maybe IV heroin users get off harder, but that doesn't count (who wants to be a junky? besides, I was talking about LOVE here! and while we may feel dopey in love... ok nevermind). I understand that some women (probably most) use hardware when they masturbate. But let's get serious. Masturbating is like eating a stale crust of bread when you're hungry; being with a lover is like having a banquet at some restaurant with like a bunch of Michelin stars. And if it's not, you may want to look into seeing other people or something. No seriously. There's probably something else goin on that ain't right in the relationship if y'all can't get down. Right Dr. Rach? LOL.
That said, I still totally understand where a guy might be coming from when he sees that ginormous dildo. It's probably much like women feel when they dredge up a porn collection. That is, "how the eff am I ever supposed to measure up to THIS?! If that's what really gets my partner off, then I'm doomed to not please him/her and must be sooo sexually inadequate!" It pushes all our buttons. And like, totally in the wrong way. Looking at things this way makes me realize that maybe there's hope for me after all. LOL Because if guys feel stressed about sex toys (and they totally shouldn't), maybe my feeling stressed about pornography is just as silly. Wouldn't that be nice, gals?
Thanks again Dr. Rachel!

[Nicole]

One of the hardest ( no pun intended) conversations to have. Over the years i have found that asking for what I need is much more satisfying then hoping he knows;)

[Marcy]

How does one go about throwing a sex toy party ? Who is the the Tupperware lady? Who does one invite?

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totally in the wrong way. Looking at things this way makes me realize that maybe there's hope for me after all. LOL Because if guys feel stressed about sex toys (and they totally shouldn't), maybe my feeling stressed about pornography is just as silly. Wouldn't that be nice, gals?

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I love what you said about talking about sex toys with sensitivity. You never know what questions or insecurities or curiosities your partner has. It seems like it is a great way to open up some important conversations.

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When a guy can handle your flaws, love you on your moody days & kiss you when you don't look great, he's worth loving.

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yes.
I love what you said about talking about sex toys with sensitivity. You never know what questions or insecurities or curiosities your partner has. It seems like it is a great way to open up some important conversations.

[RickStar]

Hi Doc.. im glad you touched on Sex Toys in relationships .. Theres some people that believe Sextoys are a problem .. like if you need sextoys then your partner isnt pleasing you .. i disagree it adds the element of fun to a sometimes boring night :)

[Rizal]

Are YOU tnriyg to get out of it? or are you afraid HE will try to get out of it? Well obviously this isn't a genuine relationship so it doesn't seem like anybody even cares, it doesn't even matter.